


Day One: Dirty Talk

by preblematic



Series: Eremin Smut Week [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Dirty Talk, Established Relationship, Hand Jobs, M/M, all i can wwrite is humor, and i apologize, holy shit how to you write smut, modern au bc i wanted Armin to hide a boner w/ an ugly christmas sweater, oh god what have I done, probably bad dirty talk let's be honest, this is not serious porn this is humor porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-18
Updated: 2013-12-18
Packaged: 2018-01-05 01:18:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1087893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/preblematic/pseuds/preblematic





	Day One: Dirty Talk

     Armin was not sure why Ugly Sweater Parties were a thing that existed. He for one did not own an ugly sweater, and had to go out and buy one specifically for the occasion. _Then_ he had to brave the ass numbing cold to get to the location where it was being held, and all the while all he really wanted to be doing was sitting at home with Eren and hot chocolate and a stupid corny Christmas movie.

     He ended up sitting on a couch in the corner with a glass of eggnog and his phone while doing his best not to meet any of his coworkers' eyes. He knew that he should have been talking to them and perhaps trying to make friends; he had only started working with them a few weeks ago after all. But he didn't really have the motivation.

     Armin had almost beat his high score on doodle jump when an alert popped up to tell him that he had a new message from Eren.

      **Eren:** Are u completely wasted yet?

      **Armin:** I've had like half a glass of eggnog, asshole

      **Armin:** Besides, you know how I am when I'm drunk :$

      **Eren:**  Slutty? 

      **Armin:** Shut up why am i even dating you

      **Eren:** Bc you like my cock

     Armin blushed and quickly locked his phone. He knew what Eren was trying to do, and he would not indulge it, not again. His phone binged again and again, letting him know that his boyfriend was very adamant about what he was doing. Fucker got off on making Armin uncomfortable; the blond was sure of it.

     A few minutes later, after downing the rest of his eggnog, Armin sighed and opened his phone. He might as well read whatever filth Eren had sent him this time. The slight buzz he had going on probably had something to do with this decision. He folded his knees up to his chest and pulled the sweater--which was three sizes too big and had a horrible likeness of Santa Claus on it--over them in a cozy blanket like structure and pulled out his phone.

     He was halfway through Eren's messages and sporting a hard on that made him thankful for the oversized sweater when he felt someone sit down next to him. He yelped and quickly tucked his phone away before glancing over. Bertolt--Armin was pretty sure that was his name--was sitting next to him now.

     The nervous looking boy struck up a conversation with Armin, mostly about where he was going to school in the fall and what classes he was taking. Armin shifted around, still uncomfortably aroused and hating Eren's guts. He was trapped making uncomfortable small talk for half an hour before he was mercifully released when the other man said that he had better get home before it was too late.

     Armin nodded in agreement and bolted from the party. He had been there long enough anyway. He quickly donned his winter gear before he braved the parking lot. Before he embarked on his brave quest to his car, he sent a message to Eren.

      **Armin:**  I am going to kill you when i get home and then i'm going to raise you from the dead and have my way with you

      **Eren:** Take me big boy

     Armin giggle-snorted and stuffed his phone back in his pocket. The drive home was difficult, partly because of the snow and partly because driving with a boner was  _really_ uncomfortable. He almost died twice. When he finally made it to their apartment building he dropped his keys in the snow and spent a good thirty seconds swearing about it before he actually bent down to pick them up. 

     Eren ambushed him when he opened the front door. He pulled off Armin's hat and dropped it on the floor before pulling the small boy forward by his scarf and planting a kiss on his chapped lips. Armin smiled and lean up on his toe tips to wrap his arms around Eren's neck. Various objects of winter clothing were shed as the couple made their way to the bedroom--why was it so far away from the front door?

     Armin yelped as he was pushed back on to the bed, now clad in only his pants and one sock. Eren quickly followed, pushing Armin's hands above his head and holding them there with one of his own. He kissed at Armin's neck and murmured horrible, lewd things into the blonde's ear as his hand snaked down to open up his pants. 

     As soon as Eren's hand actually made contact with Armin's cock all thoughts left his head, and he moaned shamelessly. He had always be loud in bed, expressing everything he thought as soon as he thought it. Coupled with Eren's penchant for yelling about everything from video games to Armin's blow job techniques--he used too much teeth, this led to quite a few noise complaints.

     "I was going to fuck you," Eren said, moving the palm of his hand teasingly slow up Armin's shaft. The blond whimpered. " But now I think I'd like this better." He gave one quick pull on the blonde's cock. "Watching you lose all coherent thought just from my hand. It's very appealing."

     Had the smaller boy's arm's been free, Armin would have reached up and throttled Eren for playing with him like this, but as it was he could just lie there and take it. 

     Armin's theory that Eren got off on embarrassing him was further proven by the litany of choice derogatory monikers by which he choose to refer to the small boy as he  _took his sweet time, holy shit, Armin's dead grandmother could walk faster than Eren's hand was moving,_  rubbing his boyfriend to completion. Armin was going to withhold sex for a month just to spite him for this. 

     When Armin finally came into Eren's hand the brunet smiled and released his hands. "Good boy," Eren said, patting Armin on the head with his now free hand. He brought the other hand up to his mouth and started to lick Armin's come off of it.

     Armin groaned. "You have strange kinks," he said, after he had caught his breath. Eren winked at him and leaned down to kiss him. "Ew, gross, no," Armin squawked, squishing Eren's cheeks with his hands. "No!" he squealed, whipping his head around in an effort to keep Eren from kissing him.

     "You are insufferable," Eren declared, finally giving up on his attempt to kiss his boyfriend.

     "And you're a pervert," Armin replied.


End file.
